Sunday, August 28, 2011

Does knowing why make it right?

I don't know how well I understand people or even myself. I think that I know people in a way that I cannot tell them. I feel like if I just look at how they enjoy life I'll see them. Sometimes I think it's true. I only really bother looking when they're interesting people. Not the friendly type. Not the nice type. A person who needs someone different in their life.
I often wonder if it's my place to point where they'll find who they should be. I know that I'm not, but I try. I know I'm not the best person, but I try to be my best. Why not pass on that desire to someone else? Oh, right. Because it's still not my place nudge them in a direction that I think they should go.
Back to where I was going, I wonder if knowing why a person is who they are is a sufficient reason to stand by their side. I feel like I know, but I don't want to explain them away. I just want to accept them and be there. To be blunt, I want to change them.
Whether or not my thoughts are right does not matter. I have yet to change anyone intentionally because I cannot tell if they always want to, so I just let them go. I want to stand by every person's side and help them, but I cannot tell if they need help. I think I just see what is rather than what ought to be. And then I sit and wait to see which direction life is going to go. I never know. Sometimes I think I know, but I do not. I cannot.
It may or may not be clear that I have a specific person in mind. This person means a lot to me and I feel like no matter what they or anyone else says, I need to be there for them. They have no idea why. I have taken a couple insults and a couple compliments. I cannot be sure what to do with those. The insults hit my heart and the compliments were nice. I want them to see that they hurt and are a delight to others in ways that they are not aware of. They need to see in order to become better, but I have no idea what to do. I've been thinking about this for a while. I had a draft here from a few weeks ago and it has been bothering me all week.
Sometimes I feel too aware and too afraid to act upon that awareness. It's one of the reasons that I think meditation is a good idea for me. I should probably actually do it rather than thinking that it's right for me. Maybe. Or prayer. That might have the right effect. Time and action will tell.
Anyway, until the next post, and as always, take care.

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