I broke up with my boyfriend last Saturday night. All I can say is I'm better. I'm better having been through that relationship. He didn't make me feel better. Rather, he made me feel worse. I'm better because I have a better feel for my options and where certain paths might take me. I feel better because I know where I don't want to be.
I felt mean at first because I broke up with him the day before his birthday when I knew he was having a terrible weekend. I don't feel mean anymore. I was a little sad because he made me feel like crap while he was saying that he doesn't blame me for anything. I was a bit sad because he doesn't get it. I wish him happiness, but I don't think he got as much out of that relationship as I did.
I have worth. I'm not rich. I'm not a genius. I'm not the most anything. I can be neurotic. Sometimes I'm smart. I have the best family, friends, and acquaintances. Their combined influences on me mean more than my words can express. My worth is that I am a combination of my influences. More than my family and friends, I have books, and a deep attachment to music, and I experience things in a certain way. I want to learn more. I want to share more. I want to care and understand and be part of an ever better future.
My existence is not completely mine. It is made of others and formed with others. As long as I guide that existence where it will be the most useful, I think it will be good.
As ever, I have learning to do. I'm going to get to doing that while listening to music or whatever.
Until the next post, and as always, take care. :)