Sunday, February 12, 2012

The inexplicable sadness

It creeps into my eyes when I'm tired and directs me toward every sad thing in sight.
It lulls my ears to reject nice songs, and replaces the happiness with sadness.
It doesn't let me sleep.
It interrupts my homework.
It doesn't make me eat chocolate, but it can prevent me from drinking water. "One more line/minute" is a dangerous path.
It makes me feel unloved.
It makes me dislike my family.
It makes me think I want a boyfriend, taunts me with the past, and brings up every awful memory.
It makes love look beautiful and life dreary.
It brings up feelings of envy and jealousy.
Again, it makes me want someone to cuddle with. In the middle of the night, this is really really really really annoying until I find my teddy bear.
It bothers me in every way it can.
I don't know why it pops up at night, in the shower, in the middle of conversations, when I'm looking at bunnies, when I'm not looking at bunnies. . .
I don't know why I find it. I just know that I encourage it because I want it to get tired and go away.
I don't like it.
Right now, I'm tired, wanting to study intensely, and it won't go away.
I am compelled to write some sort of poem, song, or letter to mankind to say, "I don't need to love you right now." I don't like irrational emotions when I'm trying to master organic chemistry.