I don't remember what I was going to complain about last night. Probably the lack of Internet until that moment or regret about something. I do remember that my dream was that I forgot to put my laundry in on Sunday, so I was suffering through a terrible Monday. My eye twitched like crazy today, reminding me that I needed to stop being stressed about something. I think that something is laundry.
Okay, my twitchy nerves are likely due to having had a nice date yesterday. I normally end up in a relationship on a date or I was already in one. This time, I'm out to figure out who might be worth trying to catch later when I've gotten over my horrible dating pattern.
"What dating pattern?" you don't ask. Well, I get into a relationship after knowing the guy for a month, wonder if I'll fall in love with him, freak out when he kisses me and tells me he loves me on the first date which is usually toward the end of a semester, gets an "I love you too" out of me shortly, and I end it all by breaking up with them at the beginning of the next semester.
Yeah, that pattern has got to go. I got into it when I was a freshman. I so badly wish I had done what I did with my first real boyfriend. Sometimes I miss that guy and go into the guilt region of my brain for far too long. I snap out of it when I realize I can't go back and fix my mistake or work up the guts after all this time to say, "I'm sorry." Sometimes I'm such a cowardly idiot.
Anyway, I went on a date on Friday. Not sure if I'll go on a second date. He invited me to a party on the 5th of November. I have a feeling I have to do something else on that day. It's bothering me that I can't quite place it. I wish I knew so that I could use it as an excuse if I decide not to go. I'm not a party person, so I doubt I will.
He's a nice guy, but I don't think I can be more than friends with him because we want different things in life. I'm trying to keep that in mind to ward off the pattern. I wouldn't have in the first place if I weren't such a pushover. Solution: be less of a pushover and don't settle. I have no reason to settle. I'm young and looking forward to several more years of education. Yeah, I want some kids with that. *holds a sarcasm sign*
Other than that ghastly pattern I got into, I have a few other things to work on before I consider getting into a relationship. That's for another blog post.
Until then, take care.