TGIF I've been in need of a rant

This week's Delightful Deviant is tokyoxterror. I think "delightful" is the wrong word in her case because I wouldn't put frosting on her photography and eat it. (Jeepers Creepers combined with frosting would probably be poisonous.) It's just plain cool.


Hilarious by ~tokyoxterror on deviantART


Dull Day by ~tokyoxterror on deviantART

I think "deserving" would be a better word now that I've consulted thesaurus.com. :P
~

Ugh. It's the end of the 2nd week of a new semester. I've been falling asleep in the car on the way to class every day and I just fell asleep during family worship time. Stress has been accumulating in the forms of drowsiness, a stye, nightmares, daymares, and an overall feeling of blech. When school stress combines with a few social stresses, and those stresses bombard my focus, I get the runaways.

I run to sleep. I flee inside my head with only a podcast or music or just anything else to experience and melt into. I collapse into a movie. I do anything I can to not experience the world around me. I know that the social stresses have always existed and the school stuff is going to work out, so I have to run away and let it all go. I hate being there because I don't have any control. I can't tell my friends to stop worrying about my loner status; they want to fix me. I can't and won't fall for the trend to always be in search of a boyfriend or just a crush; I'm quite happy without one. I signed up for school to be challenging and I can't control the factors that turn it all into a huge mess. I just have to let it go and move forward. As the theme of The Series of Unfortunate Events goes, "there's always something."

My somethings are the following:

1. I have people. I'm super grateful. I may prefer to be alone much of the time, but it doesn't mean that I don't have family and friends. The people who say, "Alyssa, you need more friends," are wrong at least partially. I believe in quality, not quantity. I try to back my people up and am grateful for all the times that they're there for me.

I may not be a social butterfly, but I do get around.

2. I'm 17-years-old, I'm in college, and I have a lot of hobbies. Someone expects me to be on the search for someone to suck away half of my time? Heck. No. It's not my time to find love or pretend to search for it. Sure, if and when that special someone comes along, I'll probably be happy. I'm not going to force something that I may not be ready for. I've had to deal with enough creepy admirers and relationships I realize I just fell into rather than relationships with people I've fallen in love with. I'm quite happy being single and building up my friendships. Not to mention working on building up confidence in my self. I know where I stand. Pointing out my fears and past does not solve anything; it just ticks me off (as my rant is probably making evident).

I may not have a significant other, but I don't care. I want to live a significant life.

3. I love learning. I took on a full load because I like classes (minus U.S. history, for now). I like discussions, figuring out how things work, expanding my mind, seeing from another perspective, reading, pursuing my interests, and watching someone teach something they're passionate about. I don't love drama or when I can't get the things I need to actually learn. I'm lucky to not be dealing with drama, but the other thing is getting in my way. I'm learning, so it's okay. I'm being forced to expand my resources and find new ones. Sure, I want to kick myself for not calling the school months ago to check on my financial aid status, but it's not going to help. I just have to be patient and work around it. I feel pathetic when I'm not learning. I could at home, but I only get credit if I attend classes. Even if those classes sometimes stress me out or seem redundant, I'm going to take them because I'll feel good in the end.

I may suck under pressure, but it's not going to suck me in for too long. I have determination. (I'd say "I have resolve", but that's Ichigo's line. :P)

4. I'm a selective speaker. I seem mute so some; obnoxiously garrulous to others. I just can't talk to some people, so whatever I have to say goes elsewhere. I just don't enjoy talking and socializing like some people do. I keep up a few conversations and chat with a stranger every now and then, but I try to think more than speak. Sure, I'm not that great at it, but it's all about practice. What would I say if I talked more? Well, if I knew that, I'd speak.

I may not always speak my mind, but my mind has a definite voice.
~
I don't have nothing and I'm not insane. I'm at a point at 17 that most people aren't at until they're 19. My 17-year-old knowledge does not have the cozy advantages of 18+-year-old hindsight. I'm in the process of learning, of living. I'm not empty, yet I'm not full. I'm just working out the balance and I probably won't figure it out for a while. I'm young and I'm different, and I'm getting stronger. The more comments I receive, the more sugar I have to ingest (I'm going to stick with Mary Poppins on this one. Salt doesn't sound pleasant.).

I realize that I need to make my thoughts known at the time they're being demanded. That's part of conversation. It's one part I suck at because my mind goes blank and I can't think. So I've tried to think some things out here in a kind of declarative form. I think I've said enough for now. I have plenty of rants in me, but I can only tackle so many at a time while still making sense.

I feel better now. I hope you're all feeling well. Until the next post, and as always, take care. :)

p.s. I don't want to repeat any of this for a while. I just don't have the heart to rant like this often. Next person to bring any of these topics up is probably going to get a blank stare from me unless I am absolutely forced to face the topic. If that happens, they're going to have to carry my exhausted body home. I probably won't have the energy (or heart) to demand anything else as much as I'd want (and am currently craving) a cup of green tea and ingredients to bake cookies.

My Excuse and Hypthetical, Future Child Auk

CSnyder is this week's Delightful Deviant. Why? Because he seems nice and . . . Well, just take a gander.


To the end of the world by =CSnyder on deviantART


Off the dock by =CSnyder on deviantART

Sometimes I think about blogging. Then, I imagine myself doing so. When that's all over, I really don't feel like blogging. If only I could imagine other things away . . .

Seriously, I think about blogging and attempt to do so, but I think too much. In my head most of my rants and vents just go away. Even when I want to rant, I give it up because I don't want to put myself out there as a negative blogger. When awesome things happen, its Internet appearance is hit-or-miss because extreme emotions bring out my short attention span. A new episode of Bleach could lead to the millionth viewing of Howl's Moving Castle which could lead me to listen to my current favorite songs (at any given time, I can talk that topic to death) and on and on . . .

True awesomeness doesn't last that long, but it's long enough to postpone blog entries.

So here I am. Little to say. First day of a new semester. I learned that an auk is not a fish; it's a type of seabird. Grandpa says that it's also a different way of saying "ark" and that I was close because auks eat fish. If I ever get a fish, I'm naming it "Auk". Scratch that. I think it'd be a cool human name. If I never have kids, I'll settle for the fish.

Well, I'm going to continue feeding my brain with musical and animated stimuli. I'll try to return to this blog sometime next week. Until then, and as always, take care. :)

p.s. Andrea, you are very cool for telling Scott about Personas. He told me and I'm quite happily swimming in a cosmic-framed Internet. I'm only slightly annoyed because you didn't tell me first. :P

I'm home and it's dA's b-day weekend!

I'm home! Yay! :D I had a great time in Redlands, but I'm happy to be home. If I could only teleport to a few places, Redlands would be one of them. I should probably make up such a list before I go saying something like that, but I mean it. Redlands is cool.

Now that I've expressed my excitement, I'd like to share something I like: deviantART. Specifically, some deviants. There are so many awesome people to choose from that I'm going to start highlighting at least one deviant and at least one of their deviations every blog post. It's dA's 9th birthday weekend, so it's a good time for me to kick this off. Okay, so I actually decided to do this because I'm too happy to be home to really say anything useful and I love dA enough to know that I want to continue this. Anyway, feast your eyes on some deviants (in no particular order).

jyoujo (previously jureba40)
He's one of my favorite deviants because his photography is absolutely wonderful and he's nice.


a frozen sunlight by =jyoujo on deviantART


stand still by =jyoujo on deviantART

kawaiiKitteh
She's a super sweetheart on top of being a neat photographer. She offered to feature me and I got back to her kind of late. She featured me anyway. That was super nice of her. :)


follow the leader by *kawaiiKitteh on deviantART


purple heart by *kawaiiKitteh on deviantART

Aoxa-Cats
Her cats (and dogs) are sooooooooo cute!


GNAW by *Aoxa-Cats on deviantART


Dexter's Pet II by *Aoxa-Cats on deviantART

vladstudio
When I get the itch to change my desktop wallpaper, I know where to go. He has serious skills.


World Map - Upside Down by ~vladstudio on deviantART


The Road to Aoraki by ~vladstudio on deviantART

Nelleke
Her photography makes me want to go for a walk except that's not so smart during the summer here. :P Anyway, she's cool.


Safe Inside by *Nelleke on deviantART


Last Note by *Nelleke on deviantART

MalvaAlcea
Her deviations don't allow for embedding, but I'd like to tell you how cool her Little Lady and Little Dude are anyway. They make me smile. :) Smiles are cool.

~
That's all for now. I'll try to do the cool thing and show you pictures, etc. from my Redlands trip next post. Scratch that. I'm going to plan to do it. Anyway, until the next post, and as always, take care! :)

Memory Fail; Positive Impact Win

I was thinking of giving up on blogging until I realized that I frequently need more than 140 characters to say what I'm up to. Well, that and I spent over an hour writing a post last night. For me, that almost equals baking a batch of cookies and burning all of them. What a waste!

Let's see. I'll start with what I've been up to and then tell you all what I really want to say. I saw a play called "1776" at the Redlands Bowl last Friday and Incendio play last night. "1776" was eh. Incendio, however, was sooooo coooool. Ironically, it was the one I dreaded the most. "It's tradition!", said Diane, so I went reluctantly. It took Incendio one note to kill that dread and steal my ears for the next 2 hours. At the end, I had to triple check the time because I couldn't believe that 2 hours had gone by. I wanted to hear more. I might have to buy one of their CDs sometime. Most likely, I will because their music is made for dancing.

Also, I've been watching "InuYasha" and "Bleach" lately. I'm on episodes 36 and 92, respectively. I have also recently watched "The Nightmare Before Christmas" for the first time, "Sphere" (no longer a favorite because I now know for sure that my favorite parts in the book are not in the movie), "Howl's Moving Castle" (one of my favorite movies), "Princess Mononoke", "Laputa: Castle in the Sky", and "Public Enemies". If you're thinking "Holy [expletive]! How the [expletive] have you watched so much anime and so many movies‽", my response is *shrug*.

Moving onto what 140 characters could not contain. As you probably know, I love music. Lately I've been mostly listening to The Civil Wars, E.S. Posthumus, and the "Howl's Moving Castle" movie soundtrack. I decided to mix it up today. To my delight, "The Blue Danube" by Johann Strauss popped up. Hearing it out of the blue (no pun intended) reminded me of the first time I remember hearing it. It was in an old cartoon (embedded later in the post). All I can remember about it is notes from the sheet music for "The Blue Danube" dancing around. Everything around me disappeared. If someone had told me that I had won a million dollars, I would not have heard them. Those awesome dancing notes had my undivided attention and filled me with joy.

After the cartoon ended, I forgot everything except those dancing notes, the name of the song, and how the song sounded. I know this because I just looked up and watched it on Youtube. Of the 7 minutes and 15 seconds, the dancing notes barely take up 10 seconds. Ha ha! In my memory's defense, I knew that there was something about that cartoon that has always bugged me. The brief appearance of those dancing notes is that bothersome thing.

I have to smile at how just a few seconds of a cartoon were more memorable than more important things in my life. I'd mention one or two of those important things, but I can't seem to remember them. :P



By the way, I feel like frolicking in a forest when I hear that song, so the rest of the cartoon might have affected me in some way.

That is all for now. Until the next post, and as always, take care!